Day 3

shadylane How are you today? I woke up in an incredible mood; the sky is clear and the weather has been so nice lately. Even though summer is almost over, it’s still pretty warm, which I appreciate. Who doesn’t love a bikini body and long afternoons in the pool? I know I do. I always wear a bikini top, just in case. I think the only person on this Earth who hasn’t gotten the memo is Noah Byrd. Have you seen him? He’s always in a hoodie, like winter never ended. It’s really weird, especially when you consider he’s surrounded by the prettiest girls you’ve ever seen. That’s just men’s curse though, isn’t it? They’re either Adonis himself or they’re swamp monsters. There’s no in-between. That’s not to say Byrd isn’t attractive, because he is, but he definitely doesn’t dress the part. The bags under his eyes don’t help, either. Maybe one of his new friends could reach into her purse and help him with a concealer? Listen, I’m not trying to be shady; it’ll just take him a minute to really start looking like he belongs and that’s okay. The other boys have had years of practice.

So, we’ve already established that Jackson doesn’t have a problem with him—that’s great. What I didn’t expect was Woods’ reaction. If you’re not in Woods’ math class, then this might shock you. Apparently, after class, he took Byrd into the men’s room while his two buddies kept watch outside. Now, I won’t pretend I know what happened in there, but it sure is starting to look like Woods has a problem with a very specific type of person. I’m not going to say who or what that is, but if Slate and Byrd are two of the same, then we might’ve witnessed some hate crimes, girlies. Who knew Jackson would be the most progressive of the detestable duo? Oh, everyone? Well, I’ll be damned. I hope Byrd is okay, though. If this is really going to be a trend, then Lee should try and put a stop to it before Woods actually hurts someone. We all know Jackson is the only one who can get through to him, but I find it hard to believe he’ll pick a fight with his bestie over some guy his girlfriend met a couple of weeks ago. It just doesn’t seem likely. I mean, these two are already on good terms again. It’s pretty obvious that nothing in this world can drive them apart.

At this point, you might’ve noticed I haven’t brought up Ethan Williams at all and that’s because I wasn’t even sure that he goes here. He wasn’t at the frat last weekend and has just generally been missing. The truth, however, is much more surprising. Apparently, he does go here. Woods made a few posts about him yesterday, alluding to a falling out between them. Williams has blocked him and everything. So, you might be asking yourself, what happened? Well, I was hoping you’d clue me in! All I know is Woods and Jackson don’t associate with him anymore. They have a new third now, some white guy who looks like Woods’ carbon copy. Even Daniels is keeping her distance. I don’t think she’s seen her boyfriend at all this week. That might change this Friday, though. For all I know, nothing’s happened between them and Daniels will see him for date night the same way she’s always done. It’s just a little suspicious that she went to the frat without him last weekend. Hm.

On the disappearance of Jill Clarke: unfortunately, there have been no updates since we last spoke; she still hasn’t been to class or even posted once. In fact, no one’s seen her at all. I’m starting to wonder if she’s even alive. I understand changing majors and going AWOL for a while, but uh, Earth to Clarke? Summer vacation is over! It’s been over!

Since we’re talking about Cinderellas, it’s worth mentioning that Slate isn’t one of them. I know I criticized him the other day, saying he doesn’t go here and stuff, but I was wrong. He does go here; he just studies at night. I didn’t know night school was a thing on this campus. I guess we live and learn. It does explain his frequent appearances at parties while being absent all day; that’s probably when he sleeps. Is Clarke on the same boat here? Should we call off the dogs? Please let me know.

As far as Lee is concerned, it seems she’s been making friends with the likes of Pamela Clemens and the other STEM majors. What’s sparked her curiosity now? Clemens was in almost every one of her classes last year. I can only imagine she needs help with math, which is weird, because we’ve only had two days of classes so far. Is she really so worried about her grades already? Take a breath, girl.

Well, it’s about that time again. I’ll see my sweet saplings tomorrow. Until then, please be good.

Love,

European Beech

Noah

Blue eyes stared back at him, bright over dark bags. They’d gotten much better over the summer, but he supposed that, if even European Beech had noticed, then they hadn’t gone back to normal just yet. The SATs had really kicked his ass, robbing him of sleep for almost six months straight; recovery had only just begun. His hair, no better than usual, stuck out in multiple directions, black over the paleness of his forehead. Brushing it would definitely help, but he’d tried it before and anything other than an absolute mess simply didn’t fit him. Lazy was the only way he could describe it, haircut long overdue. As for the hoodie, he could just as easily wear something else. Now, that he could do.

His phone buzzed on the counter, screen lighting up to show Stacy’s name. Right, she must’ve just finished reading today’s post. This really wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have anytime soon. Reluctantly, he reached over.

“Is this true?!” she practically shouted, squeaky almost. It was kind of cute. He couldn’t help but adore the way she wore her heart on her sleeve. “Did he really take you into the restroom? Did he hurt you?”

“No, he didn’t hurt me; he just wanted to talk.”

“What could he possibly want to talk about?! He could’ve just done it somewhere else like a normal person! He threatened you, didn’t he? What did he say?”

“He just doesn’t want me to be friends with Toby. Like, that’s it. So I told him I’m not. We hang out, but we don’t talk. I guess he’s jealous.”

“What?” Her voice faltered, in disbelief. “Jesus, I knew he was possessive, but I didn’t know he’d go berserk like that. I guess because he doesn’t really know you…”

“I guess so.” His heart skipped a beat, uncomfortably close to his throat now. “We’re not strangers, though. I mean, we’re in math together. I just don’t think he wants to be friends with me.”

“’Cause he’s homophobic. I hope you know that’s the only reason. When Toby made friends with Ethan, Josh was more than happy to have him on the football team ASAP.”

“Is it too late for the tryouts?”

“Oh, trust me, you wouldn’t want him as your friend. I know it doesn’t look like it right now, but this is for the best. He’s a terrible person.”

“Do I really want to make enemies with a terrible person?”

“Yeah, I think so. Everyone near him gets bullied. You get close, you’re in the war zone. It’s better to stay away.”

Huh. Funny she should say that, because he’d definitely already noticed it. Could it be that mistreating others was the only way Jack knew how to show that he cared? It might be the case that he had the emotional intelligence of a child and had never learned how to properly convey his feelings. He definitely seemed to default to anger and violence when confronted with less than optimal situations. Then again, he’d been drunk last Saturday and the show he’d put on in the restroom had been nothing short of acting, a calculated performance. With that in mind, then perhaps his public responses were only the ones society expected of him, not how he actually felt about anything. That fell more in line with the person Noah had come to know last night, if that call had taught him anything about Jack at all.

“Did you realize Beech is in your math class?” Stacy asked.  “She’s closer than ever. If you can get me the names of all the girls in your class, I’ll know who she is. Do you think you can do that?”

“Sure, I’ll just take notes during roll call.”

“That would be perfect. I honestly can’t believe we’re so close. I’ll owe you three new hoodies for this one.” 

“Maybe not. I mean, Beech already thinks I look like a freak; I should probably lay off the hoodies for a while. It’s not even cold, anyway.”

“Don’t listen to her; she’s just trying to make you feel bad. Fashion is an art form.”

“Yeah, an art form I don’t mind experimenting with. I’ll just wear a t-shirt like everybody else.”

“And look like the common man? Outrageous. You’re a work of art, a social statement. At least put a spin to it.”

“Sure, yeah, I’ll wear a necklace too. Whatever.”

“I have a cute one you can wear. I’ll give it to you tomorrow.”

The thought alone put a smile on his face.

Toby

Well, that just ruined everything, didn’t it? The plan he’d so carefully crafted had already begun to fall apart. Stacy couldn’t approach Josh in any way whatsoever, especially if she were to bring up the fight last weekend. Now, in light of recent events, that was exactly what she’d do. He already knew it. She’d go to Josh while seeing red and demand an explanation, the reason he’d been so hostile toward all her gay friends. Josh’s response would only be the one thing Toby didn’t want her to hear. So, how would he fix this? Talking to Stacy would be futile; he'd never be able to change her mind. She’d go to Josh no matter what. Could he, then, change Josh’s mind? It wasn’t easy, but he’d done it before. Like European Beech had said, he was the only one who could get through to him.

A hand found the inside of Josh’s elbow. It didn’t yank him back, keeping him by the doorway, just shy of walking out. Toby stepped ahead of him and shut the door. His eyes had been down this whole time, engulfed in thought. When he finally glanced up, he found light blues watching him carefully, curiously. His hand let go of Josh.

“How are we going to address what happened?” he asked. “I’ll play it however you want to, but I don’t think we should engage. Denying it is probably our best option.”

A very insincere smile pushed onto Josh’s lips. “Noah Byrd and I just talked for a little bit. Why are you so worried? Nothing even happened. Just look at him; he’s fine, not a scratch on him.”

“Can you say that when Stacy comes asking?”

“Why? Doesn’t she know who he associates with?”

“If she did, do you really think they’d still be friends?”

“Yes, actually. She’s fucking retarded.”

His eyes slipped from Josh’s face—he really hated it when Josh called her that. Those two used so many upsetting words to describe each other, throwing baseless accusations back and forth; it was really difficult to be friends with both of them sometimes. He wished he could just pick one and finally end this torture.

“Why haven’t you told her yet?” Josh’s question was genuine, a quiet and careful tone.

“I’m still figuring out how to do it. I just need some time.”

He didn’t. It would simply never happen.

As expected, the walk to campus was absolutely insufferable; Stacy just couldn’t believe Josh would do such a horrific thing to her friend, someone so sweet. Had Noah done something she didn’t know about or was Josh just being hateful? Oh, Toby didn’t know. He refused to participate in her rhetoric, looking at the vista instead, the nature that engulfed them and the students who came and went. She didn’t even know what had happened, but had assumed the worst, of course. In truth, Toby also didn’t know; all he’d seen was Josh throw Noah on the floor. If anything else had followed, he had no idea. Considering the fact Noah seemed to be just fine, though, what Josh did couldn’t have been so bad.

The on-campus cafeteria was very large, all high ceilings and tall windows, able to easily accommodate a crowd and multiple tables, not unlike the one in Silver Creek. The funny thing about it was that, on the first day of class, Stacy had sat with her friends while Toby had sat with his, a habit they’d formed in middle school. The only difference was the members of the football team, who obviously weren’t the same ones from Silver Creek. Christian had already made friends with the entire frat somehow, so wherever he sat, the rest followed. If Josh had any influence over him, then he had influence over the entire team too. In a way, nothing had changed.

Stacy’s approach was very graceful. Josh, who already knew this moment would come, patiently watched her navigate the sea of tables on her way over. Without saying a single word, he passed Toby a glance. The disdain in his eyes already told Toby everything he needed to know, just how pointless Josh thought this was.

Stopping next to him, Stacy asked to have a word, and just as elegantly, he excused himself to follow her outside. That interaction, while perfectly fine on the surface, just reeked of vexation. It took a trained eye to see it, the restraint in Stacy’s voice, the tension in Josh’s shoulders. Those two couldn’t hate each other more.

Stacy

The door muffled all chatter as it shut behind them; it seemed the high ceiling only helped to amplify everyone’s voices. Quiet conversations carried with the wind, distant as a handful of students walked past. Josh slipped both hands into his pockets. His posture was stiff, back perfectly straight, chin tilted up so blue eyes had to watch her down his nose. He could be such a massive dick that her blood boiled before he’d even said anything. That was how every single interaction between them always went, quietly passive-aggressive, without a single nod to how they used to be. Those people might as well have died. A breath filled her lungs, face up to stare at him—to think she used to find their height difference endearing. She would’ve laughed at that now.

“I’d like to ask you why you took Noah into the restroom yesterday. If it was really just to chat, like he told me, then I’d like to know why you did it in such a menacing way.”

“I wasn’t aware that was menacing; I was just looking for some privacy.”

“Your friends were waiting outside, guarding the door. If you were him, what do you think would happen?”

“Probably a serious conversation.”

“No, if you’re a gay boy and three big guys take you into the restroom. What do you think would happen?”

The most infuriating smirk sharpened his features. “A good time, probably.”

“No, Josh.” It was incredibly difficult to keep her voice down, hand squeezing the top of her purse. “You had a fight with the only other gay person we know just three days ago. Why wouldn’t you fight Noah too?”

“He didn’t give me any reason to fight him.”

“But Slate did?”

“Yeah, he was pissing me off.”

Her jaw set. Why did she think this would be a good idea? He was clearly toying with her, the way he’d always done. In all the years they’d known each other, they’d never had a single productive conversation. “What did he do?” she asked anyway, because the curse ran deep in her veins.

“He pissed me off, is what he did—like I said. Byrd didn’t piss me off; I was just making sure he understands how things work around here. He’s friends with you, not TJ—there’s a difference. He was a little too chummy yesterday and I didn’t like that.”

“Chummy how?”

“Talking to us like we know each other. TJ said they don’t hang out, so that was weird; it was out of line. He was misunderstanding things. Now he gets it.”

“He gets what? That to be friends with Toby, he needs to go through you first?”

“That’s right.”

“Why? You’re acting like his boyfriend.”

“Because I’m keeping some creep away from him? You’d do the same to your friends.”

“Noah isn’t some creep, though; he’s Toby’s friend, despite what he told you.”

“He said they aren’t and I’m taking his word for it.”

Her nails scraped the snakeskin of her purse—how could someone be so infuriating, and so consistently too? He knew every single button to press. Similarly, he knew every button that should never be pressed. “Right.” She really wanted to punch him. “Okay. Well, next time, try not to traumatize him, please.”

“I’ll do my very best.” A tight-lipped smile flashed at her, the kind that would never reach his eyes.

“Thank you.” Her response was in kind, spoken through gritted teeth. Without another word, she turned and pulled the door open. If she never saw him again, it would be too soon.

Noah

The clear vexation on Stacy’s face indicated what he already knew, that the conversation she’d just had had been completely fruitless. Jack wasn’t easy; she knew that better than anyone, yet she’d insisted on talking to him anyway, as if it’d change anything. The root of the problem wasn’t within her reach; yesterday had been the result of Noah’s choices, and to be honest, he didn’t blame Jack for doing it. He had kind of deserved it.

There was a stiffness to her now that hadn’t been there earlier, spine rigid as she sat down. The strap of her purse loosened as it rested on the bench beside her, a big designer name that Noah couldn’t pronounce. All conversation died with her return, attention focused on her. First, she glanced at her boyfriend’s table, unable to meet anyone’s gaze; the boys were far too entertained by each other. Then, she finally addressed her own friend group. “You were right; he gave me nothing.”

Shoulders bounced and hands flipped right-side up, not surprised in the slightest.

“It’s fine, Stace; he and I are cool,” Noah reassured her. “We’ll sit in class and stew in silence, the way he wants it. I don’t mind it at all.”

“Well, I do. He can’t just threaten you without repercussion; it’s not right. He can’t keep getting his way by bullying others.”

“What are you gonna do about it?” Abby asked.

“I don’t know, but I have to do something. I have to show him his actions have consequences.”

“You really don’t,” Noah interrupted. “I promise you everything is fine; he wasn’t even mean to me or anything.” His shoulder ached as he said that, bruise hidden under his shirt sleeve.

“I’ll talk to him,” Tiffany offered. “It’ll probably be pointless, but I can try.”

“Thanks, Tiff.” A small smile tugged onto Stacy’s lips. “It’s just… frustrating how powerless I feel near him. He seems so out of reach.”

“Are you kidding?” Abby scoffed out a dry laugh. “Remember when we first started going on double dates, how upset he was about it, just because he wouldn’t be able to see his friend for a couple of hours? You hold the key to his happiness, stupid. If you take Toby away from him, he’ll freak out.”

Noah quickly glanced across the table, where Tiffany sat. This was her brother they talked about, after all; he couldn’t imagine she’d like that idea very much. Her jaw hung slack at first, lips shaped into a surprised O. Then, they slowly sharpened into a smirk. Okay, so he didn’t know the first thing about her. Cool. She shoved Abby on the arm. “You are so evil.” There was admiration in her voice, practically grinning. “Go off, Stace; teach him how to be inclusive.”

“You’re one to talk,” Kyller mumbled. She’d been on her phone the whole time, disinterested in the table’s conversation.

“What’s that?” Tiffany asked.

“Oh, that’s something else entirely,” Stacy remarked. “She—well, I guess we’ve all been wondering this in some way or another, why you only seem to listen to what some people have to say, but not others. She feels like she’s one of the unheard ones.”

“What does that mean? I listen to everyone.”

“No, you don’t,” Kyller defended. “You ignore me all the freaking time. You’ve been mad at me forever and I don’t even know what I did to deserve it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb. When I asked you if we could start looking for a place, you completely ignored me. Then summer break ends and I find out you’re in the same dorm as Jill? Why? I thought we were gonna share an apartment.”

“Are you still upset about that? Man, I totally forgot about it.”

“How? It was all we talked about for months!”

“I wasn’t actually gonna do it, weirdo; it was just something fun to think about. Do you really think I could rent an apartment? I’m drowning in student debt! And even if I could do it, I definitely wouldn’t do it with my personal fucking critic. You’re always attacking me. When’s the last time you said anything positive about me at all? Give me a break.”

“When’s the last time you said anything positive about me?!” Kyller practically shouted. “Ugh!” Once again, she got up and walked out. Once again, all Tiffany did was roll her eyes.

“Does anyone else feel this way?” Tiffany asked. Her eyes glanced along the table, eyebrows upturned with concern. While she might not care about Kyller’s opinion, she clearly valued everybody else’s.

Unsurprisingly, the others all responded negatively. Stacy was the only one who kept her silence, seemingly pondering this. A breath left Tiffany’s lungs, shoulders relaxing; she must not have noticed Stacy’s lack of input.

“I think you’re very fair when you talk about things,” Noah commented. “You don’t sugar-coat it or make excuses. If someone’s being shitty, you call them out. I guess I just don’t know what’s going on with Kyller.”

“She’s extremely sensitive,” Tiffany explained. “We used to be close, but then she got super clingy, and when I pulled away, she started doing this social justice thing. It’s bullshit. She’s just punishing me for wanting some space.”

“Well… her mom, like… died.” Stacy’s tone was awkward, head tilting as she spoke.

“I know and it’s really sad, but she should find professional help, not cling to me like a koala. I’m not a therapist; I can’t help her through this. Also, it’s been four years! Whatever; that doesn’t have anything to do with this. She was being very pushy about the apartment thing, so I stopped responding to her texts. That’s all that happened. Am I a bitch now?”

“Nope.” Abby’s response was so nonchalant that she didn’t even look up from her lunch to say it. None of this seemed to interest her very much, considering her attention was only loosely held by the current topic. “Kyller’s just being a massive baby, as usual. She’ll get over it.”

“Whether she’s blowing this out of proportion or not, it still clearly upsets her,” Stacy defended. “I think it’s worth talking to her, especially because you’re such close friends.”

“We’re not anymore,” Tiffany corrected. “We haven’t been for a while. You know that.”

“They barely talked during summer break,” Abby added. “Don’t you remember that, Stace? We hung out with Tiff, like, the entire time.”

“I just thought Kyller was busy.”

“No, obviously not. She just didn’t wanna see me.” There was vexation in Tiffany’s tone, eyebrows drawn into a slight scowl. Her similarities with Jack really came out when she did that. Their eyes were identical.

“Well… I didn’t know that,” Stacy mumbled.

Ashley’s approach seized the table’s attention, promptly ending the previous topic. She took Kyller’s seat, right next to Tiffany. Variations of well, how did it go? promptly left everyone’s lips, excited to know how the reunion between the two friends had gone. She was supposed to have lunch with Jill today. The tray she just put down, however, told a different story.

“Um… not well. I found her, but she didn’t wanna talk. Like, at all. It looks like she’s made some new friends.”

Confusion spread across the group.

“What did you tell her?” Tiffany asked.

“I just said hello and like, asked how she was, but she didn’t respond. It just made her angry. She pulled me aside and asked me what I was doing there and what I wanted and I—I dunno. I froze. I said I was sorry and then I left. I didn’t know what to do!”

While Noah had never actually met Jill, the pictures he’d seen of her absolutely made him believe in Ashley’s paralyzing fear. She was an unmovable mountain, tall and muscular, unlike anyone here. Even Ashley didn’t compare. The way she described this encounter made him think of Jack, how angry he’d been yesterday, how much bigger he was than everyone else. Noah completely understood her hesitation to confront Jill about the radio silence. Her friend clearly didn’t want to be bothered.

“Why is she so angry at you?” he asked.

The question brought color to Ashley’s face. Her gaze dropped to the table before her, shoulders drawing up. “It’s… complicated. I don’t know if I can tell.”

“Why not?” Stacy asked. “What happened?”

“I… really shouldn’t tell; it would just make her angrier. Let’s just wait and… I’ll… try again later, I guess, when she isn’t so upset.”

“Why don’t we all go see her together then?” Stacy offered. “We’ll stop by her dorm after class and ask her what’s going on. She might be more inclined to talk if we’re all there.”

Ashley pondered for a moment. Her head cocked side to side, eyes wandering a bit. Eventually, she nodded.

Toby

The moment Noah walked into class, his stomach dropped. He was a small guy, skinny and short, in a long-sleeved t-shirt that was at least two sizes too big for him and black jeans—Josh could easily crush him to death. Despite Toby’s mitigation, tensions still ran high. He had no idea how Josh felt about Noah or what he would do next. The only reason he continued to propagate the idea that those two were okay was to keep Stacy quiet, not because he actually believed it. If anything, he was just waiting for Josh to attack again. He’d been so unstable lately. Ethan’s betrayal had changed him.

Noah took the only seat available, directly behind Josh, and hung his backpack off the chair. That was a bad idea. The first thing Josh did was turn around and start picking on him, pushing things off his desk, swiping his notebooks and pens. Despite the clear annoyance on Noah’s face, he never retaliated, keeping his silence as requested. Since he could no longer take notes like a regular student, he took out his phone next, which just ended up plucked right out of his hands. Josh got a lot of amusement out of that, going through all his pictures and social media accounts.

So far, none of it had been even remotely okay, but the part that truly boiled Toby’s blood was when Josh showed the contents of the phone to Christian, not him. Sure, he understood why; Christian was in the next seat over, which made it easier to interact with him, but it still felt like a punch in the gut. The two snickered and muffled their laughter as Noah sat in silence, fists closed tight, face burning with embarrassment. The furnace in Toby’s chest wasn’t too far off either, jaw set so hard his entire head began to ache. The phone was only returned at the end of the class.

Luckily, Josh didn’t ask for Noah to follow this time; he simply got up and left, friends in tow. Toby offered Noah an apologetic glance, puppy dog eyes meeting his gaze. His heart ached. On the bright side, though, as soon as Noah met up with Stacy and her friends, they would all shower him with affection; it was how those girls were. Toby wouldn’t have to feel bad for long.

Down the hallway, as they walked past the same restroom from yesterday, his eyes promptly glanced at the door. His chest tightened with the memories, throat closing up—it was impossible not to picture Josh grabbing him next, even though he knew that had only happened because of the lies he’d told. If he’d told the truth, Noah would’ve never met the floor. A much worse realization was that he didn’t know what Josh would’ve done instead. Hurt… him? His best friend? That just seemed so inconceivable. The fistfight had been a joke; they’d never hurt each other on purpose. The most they’d done was play fight, a little too roughly sometimes. He couldn’t imagine a scenario where Josh would want to put his hands on him, or what his reaction would even be. Would he fight Josh in return? Could he even hurt him? He glanced at his best friend. His hair blew with the breeze, styled up and off his face. His skin was perfectly clear, sun-kissed, almost gold. This was the longest Josh had gone without a single bruise. The mere thought of giving him one just made Toby’s skin crawl, fingers stretching at his sides—no, he couldn’t do it. He would never be able to. He refused to become the person he hated most in the world.

Blue eyes found him soon thereafter. Toby offered a tight-lipped smile in response, teeth secretly grinding. He shouldn’t have thought of Josh’s dad; now he’d spend the whole day seething.

Stacy

Nothing but silence filled the space behind the door. Down the hallway, a couple of girls chatted; one leaned against the door frame while the other stood by the wall, not obstructing the passage. Their indoor voices melded their words into quiet little whispers, the only sound in the dorm.

Tiffany knocked again. “Jill, c’mon,” she called. “Stacy is here. She wants to talk to you.”

A quick glance down at her watch let Stacy know they’d been at this for five whole minutes now; it was time for a different approach. Her hand reached for the knob. For all they knew, Jill wasn’t even here and knocking any longer would be a waste of time. Her theory, while incorrect, wasn’t unsound; as soon as the door swung open, she saw Jill at her desk with headphones on. Had they kept on knocking, she would’ve never answered. Stacy walked in uninvited. Even though she knew attempting to communicate was useless right now, she still called Jill’s name on the way over, up to the spot right next to her. The moment she stepped into Jill’s field of vision, a hand came up to pull the headphones off, eyes glancing up at her.

“Hey,” Jill mumbled, offering nothing else.

Stacy held up a hand, face-up with indignation. “We’ve been trying to reach you all week; what’s going on?”

The word we prompted Jill to swivel her chair around and see the others still at the door, disinclined to walk in. She held the stare for a moment, keeping her eyes away from Stacy. Her jaw moved sideways, tongue pushing at her teeth. It was clear she stared at Ashley, vexation just about flourishing under her skin. Her hair was pinned off her face, blond transitioning into pink ends. A big breath raised her shoulders.

“Okay,” Jill finally conceded, getting up from her chair. “Fine, I get it; you wanna talk, so let’s fucking talk. You know you didn’t have to bring the entire world with you, right?” She clearly addressed Ashley here, standing in the middle of the room, turned to face the door. At six two, she was a menace that Stacy didn’t want to confront head-on.

Ashley, now peeking around the door frame, had basically disappeared behind it. Her fingers gripped it anxiously, silver rings shining. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot; we were just so worried about you…”

“If you two need a minute, we’ll be outside,” Stacy offered, because the atmosphere in this room was just absolutely rancid. Her feet already backtracked toward the door. She could only be brave for so long.

Jill crossed both arms over her chest, scowling. It was such a strange sight. When Stacy had first met her and Ashley, they were already best friends, playing volleyball at break even on rainy days. Something really serious must’ve happened; she just couldn’t imagine Jill would be this upset over Ashley’s success, even if it wasn’t her own. She wasn’t the type to hold grudges like that. She did care about winning, sure, but where Ashley was concerned, nothing else compared. Their friendship was much stronger than that—or so Stacy had thought.

Out in the hallway, the girls couldn’t exactly hear the conversation that went on behind Jill’s door; they could only guess what was being said. No one, of course, went up to the door and put their ear against it, still holding onto some sort of self-respect, but their interest was crystal-clear. When Ashley came back out, they all held their breath. Then, the bomb dropped, that Jill didn’t want to see her anymore. It didn’t mean they were no longer friends, only that Jill had put some space between them, like lovers taking a break. Stacy’s shock was so great that she couldn’t believe her own ears. How could Jill do that?

“Why is she acting this way?”

Ashley simply shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. This is what she wants, so.”

“It does matter; you’re best friends! She can’t just push you away like that.”

“Well…” Ashley trailed off, shaking her head again. Dark eyes glanced back at Jill’s door—if she were to overshare here, Jill might hear it. Turning back to the others, she motioned toward the end of the hallway. They all followed like ducklings, short in comparison, walking in a row. Not even Noah matched up to her height, at least two inches off.

“I guess I can tell you now, I mean, it doesn’t really matter.” She only spoke once they’d reached the end of the hallway, but didn’t stop there, continuing through the dorm. “I’ve been thinking about what Noah said and I think it’s true; a lot of people seem to think I’m a lesbian. I never said anything, because I didn’t realize it at the time, but someone hit on me at the frat last weekend—a girl. I thought she was just being nice at first, so I gave her my number, but when we met up on Sunday, she asked me out. Abbs, do you remember moving day?”

“Yeah…” Abby sounded unsure, like she didn’t understand where this was going. Ashley’s explanations were always all over the place.

“Do you remember that Jill didn’t want to come with us?”

“I just thought she preferred Stacy’s car over mine.”

“No, she just didn’t want to ride with me. I was at her place overnight and…” Ashley swallowed. Her feet finally stopped moving, allowing the group to gather in the living room. “Well, she kissed me.”

Shock swept across them all. Stacy’s eyebrows raised, lips parting with a mute gasp—Jill and Ashley? No way. That would never happen.

“So she is a lesbian,” Noah commented. He was the only one unaffected by this news, smug about his correct assumption. If he’d known Jill for longer, he would’ve been much more surprised.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Did you reject her?” Tiffany asked.

“I mean, I had to. I don’t like her that way; she’s just my friend. My best friend, but still… a friend. We haven’t really spoken about it, but I know she’s embarrassed. The tryouts already put her in a bad mood, and when that happened, I think it just shut a door between us. I don’t know. I feel bad.”

“Don’t,” Stacy defended. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Just give her some space; I’m sure she’ll come around. You’re best friends for a reason. She wouldn’t throw all that away over a silly mistake like that.”

“How long have you known each other?” Noah asked.

“Since first grade.”

“Oh man, that’s… rough. She must’ve been in love with you for a long time, then.”

The whole circle turned to look at him.

“You think so?” Ashley asked.

“Oh yeah. Who in their sane minds would risk such a long-lasting friendship, if not someone who couldn’t live with it anymore? Kissing you must’ve been liberating, even if it ultimately killed what you had. Anything is better than living in a prison.”

“Is that really how she felt?”

“I can’t say that it is; I’m just interpreting what happened. I literally have never spoken to her.”

“That does make sense,” Tiffany mused, eyes downcast in thought. “It explains why she wants to be away from you.”

“I just can’t get over the fact she’s a lesbian,” Abby interrupted. “Why did she never say anything?”

“There are probably a million answers to that,” Noah commented. “I think the biggest one is that, if you come out in high school and you don’t already have a support system, then you’re stuck with an entire town’s worth of bullies. Not to mention your parents will also find out, which could be even worse. A lot of people wait to come out in college, because they’re away from their parents and have the opportunity to make new and open-minded friends. I’m not saying you guys aren’t open-minded; I’m just saying she didn’t really have the privilege to find out earlier. It might be the case that her parents aren’t.”

“Well, it doesn’t change how we feel about her, anyway,” Stacy argued. “She’s still our friend and we still love her. I mean, what she did was really brave. How many of us would risk losing the most important person in our lives?”

“It doesn’t look like she had much of a choice, if what Noah said is true,” Tiffany commented. “It would’ve been more painful to stay quiet.”

“Maybe, but there’s comfort in familiarity as well. Sometimes, keeping quiet means nothing will change and that’s okay. It depends how important that person is to you. How much are you willing to sacrifice to keep them around? It could be the case that what you’re going through isn’t nearly as bad as losing them in the first place. It might not be optimal, but they’re still in your life.”

Everyone stared at Stacy. The attention brought color to her cheeks, suddenly very self-conscious of what she’d just said. “What? It’s true!” she defended.

“No, you’re right; I just didn’t know we had a little philosopher among us.” Abby’s tone was both surprised and light, clearly not making fun of her at all. She reached for Stacy, taking her hand.

“Yeah, that was really deep,” Noah added. “Have you been in that situation before?”

“No, I was just… you know, thinking out loud.” Her heart pounded, hand squeezing Abby’s. While that was true, it wouldn’t be fair to say her past friendships hadn’t had a hand in it. Did she wish a certain someone were still her friend? Sure, sometimes, but at least she hadn’t lost him forever. For as insufferable as he was, she just couldn’t imagine her life without him.

“Alright, Plato,” Tiffany joked. “Let’s get out of here.”

Toby

The confusion on Josh’s face had been priceless, the finest material he’d ever seen, as if he’d just told him he wouldn’t be back in the morning. Then, when he explained Stacy was picking him up for dinner, confusion had turned into disappointment. He could almost hear it, the rebuttal that crossed Josh’s mind, the tone he always used when he was trying to hide how much something truly affected him—I thought we’d be getting tacos together. It wasn’t very common for the couple to see each other in the middle of the week like this, but Toby couldn’t say the invitation wasn’t welcome; he didn’t necessarily want to be in the chapter tonight. Every second spent in Christian’s presence only felt worse than the last, and tacos with the guy wouldn’t make anything better.

The restaurant Stacy had chosen wasn’t very far, only a few blocks from the frat, but she’d decided to drive them anyway. It was a nice place, candles on the tables and soft classical music in the background, quiet chatter all around. Her eyes focused on the menu, purple eyeshadow glinting under the soft light—she ordered pasta for both of them. Once the menus were returned, her attention gathered on him, arms hidden under the table. The dress she wore was new, a heart-shaped neckline that kept pulling his eyes down, silver necklace over her cleavage. Despite how long they’d been together, he’d never get tired of staring at her.

“You look nice,” she commented. “I like that shirt on you. Is it new?”

Glancing down, he realized this wasn’t actually his, but one of Josh’s shirts that he’d accidentally put on. It didn’t matter; all of Josh’s clothes fit him just fine. His inability to maintain order in his half of the closet made it much easier to gravitate toward Josh’s half, always pristinely organized. He smiled. “Yeah. You look nice too.”

“Thank you.” A hand reached across the table for him to take. His thumb swiped over the rings on her fingers, manicured nails shining. “So, Jill’s a lesbian. That happened.”

Even though his eyebrows raised, he wasn’t very surprised; those volleyball players were all kind of suspicious. He’d always kept an eye on Ashley every time she made plans with Stacy alone. Apparently, he’d been off by one.

“Really?”

“Yeah, she kissed Ash and everything. They’re not talking because of it.”

“Ash isn’t into her?”

“No, Ash is straight. I mean, I think so. If she isn’t, then Jill just isn’t her type, which is probably worse, to be honest.”

“Man, that sucks. She just lost her best friend over that.”

“I know, right? Noah said something very interesting, that it would’ve been worse to keep their friendship as it was if it meant hiding her feelings forever. He compared it to being imprisoned, which really put it into perspective for me.”

“How do you feel about it?”

“I just think it’s an unfortunate situation. You can’t control who you fall for, and sometimes, that person doesn’t feel the same way. I thought it’d be awkward, you know, for her to hang out with us now, but I don’t think we’re friends anymore. She blocked, like, all of us, even Noah. Ash saw her with other people this morning too. Tiff said she’s gonna come back around, but I don’t think she will. It looks like she’s totally moved on.”

“I mean… can you blame her? That would be super weird.”

“I don’t blame her; it just sucks, you know. I liked her. We all did.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

She shrugged. While there was a hint of sorrow in her voice, she wasn’t in mourning; the minotaur had never been a very close friend of hers. It would probably be prudent to change subjects here.

“How’s Kyller?” he asked. “Is she doing better?”

“Not really. Tiff is pulling away from her again. They had plans to move in together, apparently, but Tiff didn’t go through with it and Kyller feels betrayed now. You know how they are.”

“How would Tiff pay for an apartment?” That was the most ludicrous thing he’d ever heard. If her parents didn’t even want her attending college, he couldn’t possibly imagine they’d rent her an entire apartment. At the very least, Josh would have to live with her.

“She was never going to; she was just playing around, but Kyller thought she meant it.”

“Oh. Well, at least she has Slate, right? Tiff doesn’t need to be her closest friend anymore.”

“Yeah, no, that’s not true at all. He has no interest in making friends with her; all he cares about is partying. It makes sense, though. I mean, that’s all he’s ever done with us and we’ve known him way longer. I just don’t think he wants to make any new friends right now. Some people are like that.”

That was very interesting to know. Somehow, he didn’t believe that was the reason Slate had turned Kyller down. Were she a man, he might not have completely ignored her.

“Has Josh calmed down, by the way?” Stacy asked. “I better not learn he’s still bullying Noah in class.”

“He’s pretty much back to normal, which means he’s not dragging Noah into the men’s room anymore, but yeah, he’s still bullying him. It’s just what you’d expect.”

“Why is he like this? Can Noah change math classes at all?”

“Yeah, I think so; he probably just needs to put in a request or something.”

“I’ll talk to him about that. He’s… really sweet, you know. He doesn’t deserve what Josh is doing to him.”

“I know.” His hand squeezed hers, legs starting to bounce—it was time for a change of subject. Every time they got too close to the forbidden topic, he knew the rest of the evening was at risk of getting spoiled. “Are you any closer to unmasking European Beech?”

“Yeah, she’s in your math class. Noah got me all the names. I interviewed one of them earlier today, but the problem is, I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I’m just hoping one of them will act just a little bit off…”

“Can I help in any way?”

“Well.” She took out her phone, fiddling with it. “If you could tell me which of these girls sits the closest to you, it’d be a start.” Her phone flipped over to show him a list of familiar names. He couldn’t say he remembered all of them, but some jumped out more than others. She took note of them.

All in all, dinner was pleasant; he didn’t let her get too close to the Josh question and she didn’t necessarily fight to talk about it either. Despite how far they’d come in all their years together, that was always their biggest issue, how inclined Stacy felt on any given day to argue about his friendship with Josh. Tonight, they spoke of their professors and the classes they liked most, excited to get their majors going. A big grin pushed onto her face, laughter bubbling in her throat, present even at the weakest of his jokes. She knew just how to make him feel appreciated. It really did seem like he’d been off his game lately, unable to land a single joke; now he knew it was the audience that was the problem. For the first time in a while, he was finally being heard. He’d almost forgotten how good that felt.

By the time she’d dropped him off at the chapter, sweat shone over his forehead, Josh’s shirt clung to his frame and his hair was a disheveled mess. She didn’t look much different; all the lipstick she’d applied earlier had rubbed off on his face. He could feel it, sticky, a distinct watermelon scent in the air. He gave her one last kiss before leaving the car, a smile on her lips. That would always be the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, managing to put a similar one on his face every time.

His smile only faltered when he saw Josh, still awake, sitting on his own bed. The door clicked closed behind him, blue eyes lifting from Josh’s phone to watch him come in—would Josh give him flack for staying out late? He walked in without a word, watching Josh put his phone on the nightstand before moving to lie down. So, no? Josh turned away from him, offering only his back, a strange move considering he always slept on it. Wait, had he stayed up this whole time waiting for Toby to come home? Why? Toby undressed in silence, tossing Josh’s shirt on the floor before getting into bed himself. His eyes wondered over to Josh’s side, lit up solely by the neon sign above his bed. He watched the rise and fall of Josh’s shoulder, too fast to belong to a sleeping man.

“Why did you wait up for me?” His voice was much harsher than he’d intended it to sound, too loud in the absolute quiet of the room. He cringed in secret, unobserved. When no response came, he tried again, much softer this time around. “I know you’re not asleep.”

Josh’s shoulder moved with a breath. “Why wouldn’t I? We live together.” 

“What does that mean? If I got back and you were asleep like a normal person, I wasn’t gonna wake you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do, actually. You’re a heavy-sleeper, dude. Don’t wait up for me when I’m out; it’s fucking weird. You’re not my dad.”

“Alright, fuck you too. Jesus.”

Scowling, he turned to face the wall. Josh could be so strange sometimes. What, did he think Stacy was going to kidnap his best friend or something? If Stacy got a hold of this, she’d say he was being controlling again, that he simply had to know where Toby was at all times, but he knew this was just Josh being weird. He’d always been this way, far too interested in Toby’s personal life. Usually, that wasn’t a problem; Toby was just annoyed tonight.

Stacy

Her dress rode up her thighs, uncomfortably tight around her waist. It caught in all the wrong places, twisted around, stuck to her skin. Her hair was up in a bun now, bangs matted with sweat. Still, when she thought of Toby’s goodnight kiss, an absent smile widened her lips. She could still feel it, warm on her face, his hands on her body. There was really nothing to complain about. While his camaraderie was her favorite part about their relationship, she couldn’t say their more intimate moments weren’t pretty up there too. They were just a little too often, practically expected at this point, any time they spent a little longer together, especially if they were alone. It could take away from the overall experience sometimes. Tonight, for example, hadn’t been about that, but it was probably all Toby got from it anyway. She hoped, at least, that it annoyed the hell out of Josh.

“How was your date?” her mother asked. There were no malicious undertones in her voice, a simple question that could just as well have been about the weather. Stacy’s relationship was old news at this point. While her parents didn’t appreciate just how quickly things had escalated between them, they still respected the couple’s choice. The holder clamped onto her phone, keeping it over one of the vents as she drove.

“It was good.” She smiled. “He’s so sweet. We had Italian at this really nice little place, close to the one we went to when you visited.”

“Did you remember to use protection?”

“Yes, mom; I keep it in my purse. You really don’t have to ask every time.”

“Well, it’s important to remember it every time.”

“Toby is a good kid,” her father interrupted. “He’ll remind you if you forget.”

Somehow, she doubted that. Not because he didn’t care about it, but because of his eagerness, just how excited he always was to get things going. She consistently had to remind him to slow down. It was endearing, though.

“Can we talk about something else, please?” Her cheeks tingled. “There are more important things going on right now.”

“Right, yes. How’s Noah doing?”

“Well, Josh didn’t take him into the restroom today, which is good. I just can’t believe that’s where we are now. What happened to just calling people names? Jeez.”

“For now, let’s just take that as it is: an improvement, even if small. He’s not hurting Noah; that’s what matters.”

“He’s troubled, you know that,” her father commented. “He’s still growing up. Some boys take a little longer to mature than others; you must have patience. Even he will come around, you’ll see.”

“I just don’t understand him,” Stacy rebutted. “Why would he want to hurt someone so sweet? And why won’t Toby stop him?”

“Well, they don’t exactly have the greatest role models, to be fair. It can be extremely hard to navigate certain feelings without them. John Woods is just a terrible man, but Clyde Jackson? If he could have a single honest conversation with Toby, you’d be surprised by how differently he would see the world.”

As far as she knew, Toby’s dad had never talked about the divorce. It was a forbidden topic in their house. No one knew why his mother had left; one day, she was just gone, no explanations, no goodbyes. The divorce was finalized through mail, which meant Mr. Jackson had at least spoken to her since then. He knew her current address; that information had simply never reached Toby. It’d happened so long ago, anyway; they probably hadn’t said her name at all afterwards. When Stacy met Toby, his mother had already been gone for three years. Josh’s dad, on the other hand, was just the scum of the earth. Despite what she thought about him, the bruises he’d brought to school still broke her heart. What his dad did to him just wasn’t fair.

“Honest communication is so difficult to come by,” Julia commented. “Those boys must have so many questions about the world.”

“I’m just glad Josh got over himself and stopped hurting Noah,” Stacy continued. “The thing with his dad shouldn’t excuse treating Noah so badly.”

“No, it doesn’t, but it explains it. Monkey see, monkey do—you know that.”

Yes, she did; she just didn’t like it.

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