July 13th, 1622

10 p.m. at the time of record-keeping

It is curious to be here. Residents speak to me as if we are old friends, aware of my name and my position, but I do not know them. Their sense of community is a lot different than what I am used to, skin deep only. They value me for my title, not on any personal level. I am certain that what they feel for me is exactly what they used to feel for Daughter Angela. The priestess of this palace is cherished. I happen to be the priestess, therefore, I am cherished. But it could have been any of my sisters.

Everyone here seems to freely speak their mind, and yet, in the same breath, I would say that no one is heard. It is a strange dynamic. Breakfast was eye-opening to me. The king spoke, the queen spoke, the other nobles at the table spoke, and no one was heard. Each person spoke of different topics, not interacting with each other at all. Some of them did not even wait for the other to finish before starting. Others pretended to respond to someone else while speaking of a completely unrelated subject. They were so focused on themselves that I do not believe they even noticed that the prince did not speak a single word all morning.

I was so stunned that I did not attempt to engage him this time. I must first understand their world to successfully participate in it. He watched me with far less hatred in his eyes today, or that is how I interpreted it. Either he is coming around to my presence, or I am getting used to being despised.

Princess Charlotte has kept me company once again. I thought, at first, to be keeping her from her duties, but as we meandered about, I quickly realized that she does not have any. She spends her days playing instruments and reading books with the other women in the palace. Usually, that means her cousin Joan is also present, but from what Charlotte tells me, her cousin and most other single girls get quite busy during courting season. So, it was just the two of us and a few of the married women in the sunroom today.

The amount of gossip I heard was scandalous. Even recalling it now, I still find myself embarrassed. I have been made aware of the private affairs of people that I have yet to even meet. Different from breakfast, where one’s self-importance had kept the table from really connecting with each other, these women were so deeply involved in this conversation that it somehow lasted all day. They built upon each other’s testimonials with tidbits from previous gossiping sessions, managing to piece one’s entire life together, and consequently, uncover their every lie. Their astuteness shocked me. Any detail that one may have missed, someone else did not.

I held my breath, hoping that they would speak of the prince. Unfortunately, that did not happen; the afternoon came and went and nothing of him. They spoke mostly of other women. I tried asking Princess Charlotte later, but she was not very eager to speak of him either. As soon as she heard his name, her expression soured and she quickly changed subjects. I find it hard to believe that there is nothing to be said about him when he is such a prevalent topic everywhere else in the kingdom. Back at the hospital, I could not go a single day without hearing his God-blessed name.

I dreaded dinnertime. I knew that I had to approach him, only I did not know how. I had hoped to learn a little bit about him, so that I would at least know what to say, but I have nothing. The residents of this palace do not wish to so much as engage in the topic. I was forced to approach him with faith in myself and power of will. I must know why he has been avoiding me when he is the only reason for my being here at all. He knows it too.

We spoke not twenty minutes ago. He had just returned to the palace. Our eyes met as he walked in, quickening the pace of my heart. He did not seem affected by that and continued walking as I came close. I followed, silent for a moment. I had to choose my words wisely. I went with the most basic of statements, that I am his soul nurse. He gave me a brief glance over his shoulder, saying nothing. It was clear to me that that was the end of our exchange, so I stopped walking and let him leave.

That seems to have had no effect on him or anything whatsoever. I thought—or rather, I hoped that making my friendliness clear would be the beginning of a dialogue between us, but there was no dialogue over dinner. He ignored me just as he had done before. I even addressed him by name while attempting to converse only to receive a disinterested look and no further engagement. On the bright side, I am no longer at the receiving end of his stink eye. That has to account for something, does it not?

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